FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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