if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
