im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
