We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
