drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
