I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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