I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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