I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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