Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
