Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
