Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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