dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
