i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
