1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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