Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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