"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
