so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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