epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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