Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
