It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
