the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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