From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
did i just pee glitter
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
