i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
