I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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