i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your penis caused this!
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