we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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