Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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