Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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