You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
