there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
