Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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