if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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