I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
