My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
