I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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