covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
