I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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