the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
