those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
