Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
