I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
