it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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