The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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