It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
