So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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