I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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