you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
