the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
