Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
