...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
