then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
