Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
