Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
